Today, I left for my walk at 6:26pm, a bit anxious but determined as ever. and I started walking up the street with the usually tension or apprehension.
One thing I realized was that my fear was worse than the reality. I wish this can register firmly into my head. There was nothing really to fear. It was all the irrationality of anxiety.
I walked up the street. Around a two fifth of the way, I encountered a friend who called out my name. I was startled and I froze. I hoped no one noticed me freeze. Quickly exchange a few pleasantries and I was on my way down the street. I also met a Christian sister who is much older than me. Gave her a beautiful smile but nervous interaction and I departed. I walked down the street alright!
Better still, I chose to walk back up immediately. This was even better than the initial journey. A friend called out my name when I had about 30% of the walk left and I went to meet him in the shop he sat in with 2 other people I know. One was a guy and the other a lady.
I apologized to the lady as she was a Christian sister and had invited me to the meeting for Sunday and I did not attend. I know she'd be seething. She doesn't understand anxiety or what I've been true so I don't blame her.
Had a little chitchat with my friend and funny, I wasn't that tense. I am gradually relaxing.
I went for my Shoprite runs around 8:15pm. Entered the mall, went into Shoprite supermarket, walked about a little. Wasn't feeling too good.
Then went to KFC, sat by the window, was a bit relaxed initially but started feeling tense. Then left within 5 minutes. I however noticed I was less self conscious because I could observe some activity around me. Normally, when you are in a state of panic or anxiety, you're so consumed with your fears that you don't take notice of little things happening around you. Today was different. It was like taking in air.
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