I feel a little better after using some online EMDR which I got from YouTube. Lasted about 28 minutes but I believed it worked.
Sick and tired of being paranoid- actually hypervigilant.
A paranoid person does not know he has paranoia but on the other hand, someone who is who aware of his or her paranoid or suspicious thoughts is said to be hypervigilant. The difference is the awareness.
I wish I was just still a social phobic. Though, it's embarrassing freezing when meeting people or in social situations but the emotional trauma I suffer from due to the bullying is what is really disturbing.
People seem to be genuinely wary of my presence and are calling me some unprintable names the worst being "madman". That's what the bullies were calling me when I tried standing up to their petty and cruel stigmatization. I have to be honest, I myself said some hurtful words back which simply fueled their self righteous rage.
Why do bullies engage in mobbing to neutralize their victims? It's actually quite effective but it's wrong and mean. Mobbing is the act of gathering others to victimize or terrorize someone either physically or verbally. Felt like calling the police but my social anxiety just won't let me. Don't want the cops to start thinking I am a weirdo and that the name calling was justified. Trying to maintain the little dignity I have left.
I have been desperate for a cure for my emotional trauma. Though I have social anxiety and probably ADHD (You should see my room!), I am only obsessed about overcoming my emotional trauma for now.
At first, I thought I was suffering from PTSD but I was having no nightmares which is symptomatic of that malady. Thank God for Google.
I started researching relentlessly until I came across emotional trauma. So, that's what I was suffering from. I showed all the classic symptoms and the next stage is treatment.
My worry is that there might be no effective cure.
I consulted a psychologist who assured me I can be well again. His charges however made me unwell. A session is basically my monthly salary where I work part time. I am also a freelance estate agent but income is not regular. And being scared of leaving one's house isn't really good for my line of business. I have only left the house at night for the past three days. It's as though I am scared of being seen during the day,
I thought deeply of EMDR. It may be the most revolutionary treatment for trauma presently existing. Unfortunately, there are no practitioners in my country so I simply have to make do with the poor substitutes online. I advise you research deeply into it if you suffer from any kind of trauma. I have read awesome things about it.
