Day 12 of My Exposure Therapy

I forgot to update yesterday. I'm sorry.

Well, yesterday was my appointment with my psychologist for 6pm.

The day was rather uneventful only that I went for my long walk rather early. I went for the longt walk through the crowded street around 2.20pm because I wanted to make some payment at an ATM.

The long walk was rather okay. I met a estate agent who also happened to be a friend along the street and we got chatting about a certain lady client of mine who wanted to rent property. I told him I'd link him with the client.

What I found momentarily interesting was that even though we were out on the street and in public, I was not too self conscious. Actually, for about a minute or so, I was totally self confident and only focused on the person I was talking to. With time, that 1 minute will improve to 10 minutes and eventually to 24 hours! I can't wait!

Once, I finished the walk, went to the ATM where I got frustrated because the network wasn't functioning well and I forgot my card inside it. By the time I ran to the ATM to retrieve my card, I was told my card had been seized by the ATM and it was government's policy not to release such cards. I was dejected.

Anyway, from there, took off in a bus for my appointment.

Got to the psychologist office for about 6p.m. He was not on seat. I had to wait for about 10 minutes for him. I however noticed that the ladies in his office were a bit cold to me. I had freaked out, panicked in front of them the other day and I don't think they liked it. I felt bad. Again, it could be my imagination.

Doc finally arrived and we went out again to the same eatery. While in the car, we started my session. He said that today, we would focus on the difference between thinking and meditating. He said thinking focused primarily on impediments along the way while meditation was focused primarily on how to succeed. He said I should start meditating.

I should be focused on succeeding and not keep thinking of obstacles. He said he noticed I was always mentioning bullies. That is thinking. Others too may be affected by the bullies but they ignore them and focus on their personal lives.

For someone with anxiety disorder, this is so true. Your mind is fixed on the challenges and why it can't be done. This extremely limiting belief keeps one trapped in an anxious state. Thinking eventually gravitates to worry.

Hr also mentioned I should use affirmations constantly. My affirmations should be worded positively. For instance, it would be wrong to say, "God, don't give me a bad wife". Rather, simply say, "God, please give me a good wife".

Then last, he said I should use questioning to challenge my beliefs. For instance, I presently have serious issues with making eye contact. He said if I am having problems making eye contact with someone, I should not take it to heart but rather say." In future when this is gone, I'll simply laugh over it. By then, no one will remember". That's CBT in action!

This all happened from the car and while in the eatery. My session finished around 8pm and he saw me off.