Day 5 of Exposure Therapy

Since I did no follow up on the 6th and 7th of October, I plan to make up for those 2 days by writing them now. So day 5, which is 6th of October is below. Day 5,

This was the day of my appointment with my psychologist. On this day, I was very edgy has I had very little sleep. I must have slept around 2 and woke up around 5 a.m. My subdued anxiety was through the roof. I was on the edge throughout the day and was very noticeable.

My psychologist visit was in the evening for 6 a.m. When I got to his office, a minute late, he was not on sit. A beautiful lady in the office building he shares with another psychologist informed me so. I was on edge just sighting her. I was that irritable. Staying in the reception area waiting for the shrink was getting to me so I went to the toilet to get away.

Once I got out from the toilet, I saw the psychologist coming down and he said he had been looking for me. He was dressed casually in jeans which was unusual. He said today, we would be going out together to a restaurant for some exposure therapy with him. Fine by me and who was I to argue.

 As I was coming out, I saw the beautiful lady and her other colleagues in the office about to leave in a car. This made me nervous and I tried to hide my nervousness which made me very panicky. I felt so bad.

 Anyway, we went to a waterside joint and entered a restaurant/bar there. I sat down backing the counters where the salesgirls were. Just writing this, I see no point in it.

I and the psychologist started talking and things were going okay. He at a point asked me how I felt here and I said okay. I said if the sitting position was changed and I was facing the ladies, I may be more nervous.

I moved my seats where I'd be at a position to be seen by the sales girls. I was initially not nervous but after a minute or 2, my anxiety started to build and I distracted myself by busying myself with my phone. After a further 3 to 5 minutes, I went back to my position.

The psychologist told me that to overcome my anxiety I should be ready to battle it head on. He said that if I want to take the easy or comfortable route to things, life would be hard for me. And that I chose to take the hard route to things, life would be easy for me.

What he said was true. For anyone suffering from an anxiety disorder, staying within the comfort zone of seclusion and avoidance was the standard. Unfortunately, that only gives the anxiety root but also makes it grow. Mine grew from mild general anxiety disorder to full blown aqnxiety that saw me having great difficulty just even opening the front to go out.

Through the various sessions and the start of my exposure therapy, I had gotten better. My friend had been quite impressed when we went to Shoprite supermarket and I did not freak out. He used the word "impressed".

He was also concerned about my persistent complaint about bullies and bullying and said I must expunged those words from my dictionary and I was becoming overly obsessed by it. That even if it were true, I should learn to ignore them. That in a few years time, by then married and living in a new environment, that would be in distant memory.

He now asked me to write down 5 statements which I did and which I would not bore you with. Actually, I have not been going through them which is a shame. I'll start today.

We then ended the session and he saw me off.

Apart from seeing my shrink, I did not go for the long walk or do any exposure exercises.