Today, I felt a bit refreshed. I think the benefit of the walk yesterday might have penetrated my subconsciousness despite the fact by sleep was horrid.
I woke up around 11 p.m last night and couldn't sleep till around 4am. But when I did sleep, I did sleep only waking up by 6:30 am about, to open the door for my cousin who slept outside. I then went back to sleep only to be awoken again around 7 something to open the door for someone sleeping in the servant quarters. They murdered my sleep! It was very, very deep.
I noticed today I was not as self conscious as always and my cousin who murdered my sleep commented that the treatment is working. I still have a long way to go.
I went to Shoprite quite early today as I branched there on my way back from a property inspection with a client. I saw two of my Christian brothers, a male and a female outside the mall at the bus stop. They were out in the field with a metropolitan board, that's the cart that holds lots of magazine and books that the Jehovah's Witnesses use for preaching. I decided to go into Shoprite and buy them a snack. All this while, they hadn't seen me.
I entered into the mall (the mall Shoprite supermarket is housed as the anchor tenant is called Ikeja Shopping Mall) and chose to enter into the Samsung shop. I had for long avoided the shop because they had to my opinion quite a few female salesgirls.
I entered into the Samsung shop and went to check the tablets which was close to the entrance. I actually wanted to go further and window shop for longer but close to the entrance was the farthest I had the strength to go. I'll do better next time.
As I was getting closer to Shoprite, I saw a shop selling jewelry and decided to enter. It was all part of exposure therapy. I enquired if they had any wedding rings. The lady (apparently the only person in the shop) said yes. I then changed my mind to engagement rings and she answered affimatively. She showed my a collection and I enquired about the prices. After a few minutes, I departed the shop.
About 3 shops away from the jewellers, I saw a phone shop with a large number of salesgirls, I felt challenged to enter but I immediately developed cold feet. It seemed beyond me. I won't give up though. Very soon, I walk into that place like I own it. Just a matter of time.
I then went into Shoprite, asked about the biscuit section and I was told 3 row on the left. Found it and it took me about 10 minutes to settle ona biscuit to buy.
At a point, a wave of anxiety seemed to creep up. I notice it happens anytime I step out of my comfort zone or engage in something around people that I underestimated. Difficult to explain.
Anyway, I paid for the biscuit, and went straight to KFC. I sat at a more conspicuous spot than always and noticed I was more confident than normal. I even lifted up my head and looked at people a bit. I don't like making eye contact but I must overcome it and I am overcoming it.
Afterwards, I went to give my Christian friends the biscuit.
Around 5:30, went for the long walk. Went down the entire street as always and had a stroll to another suburb. I however chose to my hood and walk back the long street to my house. This I did quite confidently.
My exposure therapy for the day is over.
If I have a problem, it is from harassment from some low lifes in my area and I might involve the authorities, I just want to ensure that when I invite them in, they are able to break the backs of these evil people completely. They are utterly useless set of people, toxic and very negative. However, my future is bright and clear.
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