Restarting My Exposure Therapy

Today 30^th of October, 2016

I have restarting my 21 days exposure therapy. Why I am restarting is because I was not 100% faithful to the old one. I really need to be.

Have there been benefits so far? You bet there’s been.

On my first journey down a long street which I had avoided forever, I was quite nervous. I encountered a long term neighbor who was around my age. He said he was hungry and I should buy him a snack. I obliged and bought double what he wanted.

I have gone for a walk a couple more times after that and I’m still nervous but more in control.

Today that I’m restarting, I am registering the date down (30^th September, 2016). My exposure therapy will end on the 20^th of October. I hope by then I would have made tremendous improvements.

My list of challenges to face:

1.       Go to a fast-food joint every day and sit facing people.

2.       Walk down 2 long streets in my neighborhood every day. I dread those streets as its in densely populated area.

3.       Go to the Shoprite mall in my neighborhood every day. This is the busiest shopping mall in Lagos state

4.       Stay in the reception area of your office everyday

5.       Come out of your office as often as possible especially when people are around.

6.       Converse 5 – 10 minutes every day with the opposite sex

I’ll be frank with you, this is a mouthful. I got goose bumps just writing the first one. I am already tense just remembering it.

So which ones did I do today?

First, I walked up a long street. When I went a quarter of the way, I met a Christian sister and we started chatting. She asked what happened to me that I just disappeared from all Christian activities especially attending meetings. I told her that I suffer from social anxiety and that I am presently in going through treatment. That coupled with the anxiety, I was being bullied and this just made me paranoid. I felt my paranoid state would be a burden to the congregation so I left. My leaving though is not permanent.

She basically encouraged me to come back that we all face challenges in life but that should never let us turn our back on God. She knew I hadn’t turned my back but just confused and depressed. She urged I come for Sunday meeting.

This obviously took more than 5minutes. More like 10 minutes and I noticed I was a bit confident when talking with her. I was not too self-conscious and I could make eye contact.  This pleased me a bit.

I left her and finished my journey down the street. It was only when I was a quarter of the distance remaining I became worked up and self-conscious. Fortunately, it did not last too long and even if it did, I had it to some extent under control.

After the walk down the long street, I went to an ATM to withdraw cash and then walked a bit of a distance to get a rickshaw. The funny thing is that I do enjoy strolls, just that I avoid some certain areas.

From there, went to Ikeja computer village, the largest computer and telephone market in West Africa, to submit a company check.

This was my responsibility in the company but I had outsourced it to company’s security guard as I did not like going to the banks. I actually pay him for this.

I deliberately got down at the busiest part of the market as my part of my exposure therapy even though it was not included. I felt a bit tense and self-conscious but was determined to brave it. I handled it quite well though once I felt a panic only once but it quickly fizzled out.

After leaving the bank, I again took the busy section and even went to buy myself a take away snack.

Now took a bus to Shoprite mall. Went in and headed for KFC after feeling other fast food joints at the mall were too open. With time hopefully, I’ll lose my fear of that.

I sat down near the entrance and brought out my book. Asked the man almost opposite me for his pen as I did not bring mine. I jotted down a few things related to my business as I also so my estate agency business partner.

I didn’t spend much time in the mall as I started getting agitated when some girls sat on a table close to mine. I must have spend about 5 minutes in all.

I did notice something today though. I was able to lift up my head which was a huge victory. Normally I would bend my head down because I didn’t want to make eye contact. I should drink to that!

PSS

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